Finding Resilience: Medicine, Science, Faith

A person cannot tell their own story without talking about themselves, their experiences from their perspective. Keeping a practical distance is important for both the reader and the writer. I think Jill has done this really well. I never feel like I am in her skin, yet she tells you enough to know she was there and gives some helpful advice along the way.

I was seeking a better understanding of functional medicine in laymen terms and found that and so much more. Her personal testimony completes the picture when trying to understand the concepts.

I really enjoyed reading this book on a whole. I’m not even sure how I came across this book. I didn’t have many expectations. I had heard Jill’s name as I’ve came across her own article and even on many online seminars for toxic mold.

This book is more of an autobiography with tidbits of health info sprinkled throughout. I had no idea she had faced so many illnesses in her life. Her outlook is refreshing and encouraging.

She wrote of her faith, obstacles, relationships, triumphs and twists and turns in life. It’s real and with that comes exposing one’s vulnerability. As humans, we never like to expose our vulnerabilites as if we are laying down our armor. I had no idea me and Jill had so much in common. It may be why I enjoyed her book despite it not being a typical holistic book.

I like Jill, grew up on a farm. I grew up on a dairy farm. 300 acres of family farm where cows grazed and pigs wallowed in the mud. I, too, take pride is being productive and having a harder time relaxing or simply being. My family also was very rooted in their faith. Every Sunday, we went to church. The only time we missed is if you were sick. My daddy passed aware at age 12 on a Sunday. It was the only time I remember him ever missing church service. He wasn’t feeling well. He stayed home. We went to church, came home and arrived with an ambulance in our driveway pulling away.

Now, the diff between me and Jill of childhood toxicities, was I believe mine to be toxic mold in childhood home and not herbicides and pesticides. On our dairy farm, the cows grazed on 300 acres. My daddy bailed his own hay and fed the cows in the winter. They did supplement with feed and cottonseed so possibly some exposure there but I saw the mold in our home. Now, there was some farmers quite a few miles (umm about 15-20 miles) up the road that did spray their fields so possibility I got some exposure but the bigger threat really was the mold. I also suspect, with as many leaks as we had, and the dirt crawlspace, there was more mold than I actually perceived.

In March 2020, we found out about the toxic mold that was about to kill me while doctors and even labwork showed nothing. During the pandemic, we moved from our first home into a moldy apartment. Then again to another rental. Just when things were slowijg down, my mom is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She passed not long after the diagnosis. This freaked me out bc I had read and learned much about mold toxcity and a very convincing and strong link to cancer. Short story, my sister found my mom’s a/c unit riddled with mold. She had got very ill right before we realized she had. Photo albums on her bed were covered in mold that was being blown from her a/c. When we requested she be tested for mycotoxins, the nurses and docs scoffed at us prior to her diagnosis of cancer. Then when they delivered the devastating news of her terminal cancer, one of my siblings asked if they knew what caused it. They contributed it to toxins in food, SAD diet, basically anything but mycotoxins. Don’t get me wrong, I think these are all contributing causes that fill up our toxic bucket. I learned about going green before it was mainstream, eating non GMO foods, chemicals in our foods, cleaning products, personal hygiene, and basically almosy everywhere. The problem was, I changed my lifestyle prior to the heavy 10 year exposure to mycotoxins and I kept getting sicker in mold. I’ve seen people eat McDonalds daily, washing in chemical detergents that can be smelled a mile away, cleaning with toxic products, bathing in chemicals, all the while eating GMO pesticides laden junk on their chemical laden couches that never develop cancer. That’s the typical American right? But it doesn’t correlate. Do I think we need to switch to natural alternatives. Absolutely. But I can promise you, mold can take down even the most health conscious person. And bringing around to my point, I questioned is Jill’s farm house wasn’t also toxic mold exposure as she developed cancer so young. Or the dorm rooms. They tend to be very common moldy locations. Now, I don’t doubt one but that the chemicals she was exposed didn’t drastically effect her health but my question remains, was there more underneath the toxic chemicals?

I loved all Jill’s mentions of her faith. But on some end, I felt she held back trying to please those not of faith. And the biggest disappointment was where she was searching from unconditional love from her father. She’s missing seeing the unconditional from the heavenly father. As I read her story, in some ways I can relate. A child wishing to please her father. How I see things and respond is very similar to Jill. I am an overachiever, didn’t feel I fit in, a fighter, want to do things myself, etc. So much I could relate to. But I never felt unloved or not accepted by my father. I never felt like I wasn’t approved of or met my parents expectations. My mom actually constantly told me when I was stressing and tired of managing a household, “it’ll wait on you,” basically, your tired and need rest, your dishes, cleaning or whatever thing so thought had to be done right then, would most def wait on me. I got the point when I became bedridden from mold and even 3 years later, still recovering from the toxic mod exposure. I HAD to start relying on my husband and girls bc I physically couldn’t do things. And when the 3 of them had to take the slack of 1 of me, I realized how much pressure I put on myself. However, this mentality never came from my parents. Somehow, I had conjured up this mentality all myself. The big maisinf piece is she hasn’t seen the unconditional love from the father above. Or maybe she has and didn’t disclose this as her wording seems influenced by scripture but she never denotes credit to the source above.

Towards the end of the book, she talks about a “Devine Creative.” The writing makes me thinking of Devine Creator. Her Devine Creative is a “place to dip my toes in fresh water and refeesh my soul in the quiet of my inner world; in the peaceful, perfect stillness…” Living waters from a divine creator that restores your soul in peace that the world can’t give you.

One more criticism before I go, she wrote about the toxic mold. Then about her divorce. She dives into of psychological answers of her divorce. But in some ways, very vague on exactly what happened. That’s her business and I can’t ctiwicize for keeping some parts private as she exposed very much of herself and opens herself up for others to come along and criticize her. But knowing how mycotoxins work and she even mentions this, it completely unheavels your emotions. Biologically speaking, it effects your thinking, causes what looks like TBI, acts as am estrogen which effects hormones, excalates cortisol from the huge inflammatory response, and so much. Personally speaking, it turned out world upside down emotionally and during rexposures during recovery, I’ve seen it numerous times. Me and my husband who never fought, fought all the time in mold. We get exposed, and we fight every single time. Even my girls become an emotional mess. I’ve read soooo many stories of people getting divorced while in mold. They divorce, move out and things get better making it appear to be the best decision to divorce when reality the mold was dysregulation them both. Much like Jill questions how many homicides happened in toxic mold, I wustion how many divorces we’re exacalted bc of toxic mold. I’m telling you, me and Jill think a lot a like lol. But even I have wondered how many homicides were from toxic mold. I personally experienced intrusive suicidal thoughts in mold which freaked me out bc I didn’t know why the heck I would be suicidal. I even cried to my mom saying I don’t know why I feel this way bc I am very blessed. It made no logical sense. And I, like Jill, cried to God about the trouble with my brain. How was insupposed to even come to any kind of conclusion when I felt like my entire brain was being hijacked. I prayed and cried out to God asking for basically same thing. “Don’t take my brain.” I could deal with the lack of sleep, aches, bedridden, all the horrid effects toxins like mycotoxins do to a person, but the anxiety and inability to process information was absolutely the worst of it all. For a think, an analytical person, a ponder who enjoyed thinking, this was absolutely torture. Not to mention, I actually had TBI. And much like Jill again, I could think complexity of the physical body but then couldn’t concentrate to order groceries. I read tons and tons of health books. Searching for answers. I am not a doc but I well educated in holistic medicine, I actually got a master herbalist certification during all of this, as well as functional treatment, testing, even keep up with medical talk with docs, but for some reason, the only thing my mind could focus on was medical criteria. But the simple things is where I really struggled in mold.

Anyways, it was insightful to see someone so similar in experience but also diff in some ways. I related much to her book. It’s not what I expected but was a pleasant surprise. I enjoyed it and it’s also encouraging if your also going through your own chronic illness.