Friends, Lovers, And The Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir By Matthew Perry

story from Matthew’s perspective, sad story really he needed help

So I spent this weekend with a Friend.
I’ve been really looking forward to this book for a while and hoping it wouldn’t be a disappointment when I finally got to read it. I expected Chandler. I expected some stories about addiction. I expected some backstage stories. And I hoped he wouldn’t ruin my almost thirty year love of a tv show and a group of actors who continue to be there for me, like they’ve been there before.
The truth is, I seriously underestimated Matthew Perry’s willingness to offer much more than that in a memoir, and as it turns out, he cracked his heart open on every single page. This is one hell of a book. Because he has one hell of a story to tell. I don’t think I’ve ever before read a book about addiction that so clearly demonstrates the disease, the mental illness of it. Perry couldn’t be more transparent. He doesn’t place blame anywhere. He’s as amazed as we are that he could be so successful, have his dreams come true, and still be completely incapable of staying sober.
There are horrifying stories of his drug use, how it has destroyed and continues to destroy his body. And, yes, there are stories from the set of Friends, some are jaw-dropping, but they really were the best kind of friends. I may not be able to look at certain episodes quite the same ever again. And he is funny (he is Chandler!) and sarcastic, and surprisingly spiritual. At times his incredibly smart writing reminded me of Carrie Fisher writing about her own drug addiction – sharp, self-deprecating, funny, but fully aware of how messed up it was. And at other times he goes much much deeper than she ever could through rehab and therapy and surgeries and so many detoxifications.
This book hit me in the feels more than once, and it did not disappoint for even a moment. I couldn’t put it down. I wish I could say that it has a happy ending, or even a cautiously optimistic one, but Perry has been too honest on every page to pretend it’ll all be alright for the sake of a tidy afterword.
Hopeful but realistic. That’ll have to do for now.

There are some books you want to look through the reviews before you decide if you want to pick it up or not, then there are others you just want to read for yourself. Matthew’s book was one that I wanted to read for myself. Though in looking through the reviews now that I have finished it, I realize either someone loves it or does not, there is no in-between it seems.

Before I write any more of my review – I want to point out that I am 99.9% certain I read a Kindle version that was edited to remove whatever there was about Keanu. So if someone is reading my review wondering why I don’t mention it, I cannot comment on what I did not read. — One more observation, from the reviews I did look through, it seems that most people who *listened* to the book disliked it more than those who *read* it. Seems listening to it make it more difficult to follow the already jumping timeline. Again, just my observation.

From the beginning Matthew tells us how this story is going to be written/told. How? you ask? “Groundhog Day” is his favorite movie, do I really need to say anything more? If you do not understand this reference, please take the time (1 hour and 40 minutes) to watch the 1993 classic movie with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Then perhaps more things will make sense for you.

Thankfully I have never been an alcoholic or an addict, however, I have known several in my life. For them every day is groundhog day. Every morning the question of, “How will I get through today without a drink/pill/smoke/etc.” makes every 24 hours the same. Matthew shows that in spades with his repetition throughout his story. Many of the reviews I saw complained about the repetition; if they don’t understand it, perhaps they should count themselves lucky not to. To have never known someone who lives every day like this; or to not be that person themselves.

Matthew’s story didn’t end all sunshine-and-rainbows with a happily every after. Not everyone’s does. I appreciated the fact that he kept it real. That he kept it honest. That he shows his faults to us just as much as he shows us the goodness. Life isn’t always polished and pretty no matter who you are or how much money you have. Matthew proves that. No matter how bad things seemed to be for him, Matthew always looked to his future, he always wanted to be there. Perhaps not always for the right reasons, but reasons that kept him moving forward nonetheless. There is something to be admired about that.

Interestingly, one of my favorite lines reads, “God looked down on me, just waiting it out. He’s got all the time in the world. F*<k, he invented time." There is something raw and honest and scary and funny in those words that just made me stop reading and literally highlight it in my Kindle book. Follow that with another line I highlighted that reads, "It was an amazing moment and a terrible moment all at at the same time." Talk about defining life most days. Perhaps not Pulitzer winning writing, but powerful and truthful just the same.

I have to say my all-time favorite sentence is this one – “God is everywhere – you just have to clear your channel, or you’ll miss it.” Doesn’t matter what version of God you believe in, that sentence has a profound truth to it. (That one got highlighted in pink) Not something I would have expected from Matthew. But I am grateful he wrote it.

I am easily giving this book all five stars for it’s raw honesty, it’s openness, it’s imperfectness. Just like Matthew.

Yes, I finally read his story after his sudden death on October 28, 2023. As I’m writing this on November 24, 2023, his cause of death still has not been determined nor released. Which makes one last sentence stand out for me in a premonition kind of way as I wonder what COD will turn out to be… Matthew himself wrote, “I could have a cigarette right now, have a heart attack, and if no one was around to call 911, I was a goner.” Well, he was home alone, and he did try to call 911 himself, but he was unable to save himself this time. Oh, Matthew.

I wonder if you have finally found peace and all the deep, full Love you have always desired. Thank You for leaving a light on for us with your story. I pray it helps more people so that you may continue helping people even after you’ve gone on ahead of us in death.

Libro scritto molto bene, che ti fa sempre venire voglia di continuare a leggerlo. Perry riesce a far comprendere le sue paure e le dipendenze che ne derivano. Possibile da leggere anche in inglese se si possiede un buon livello.