If Only I Had Told Her by John Doe

One of the best books I’ve read

This is not the first book but it’s the first one that I read in this series. I am thinking that was not a mistake. I have always enjoyed reading YA fiction from the male point of view, probably because that is so different from a woman’s point of view. And Finneas was such a lovable character – an all around good guy who found himself caught in a love triangle of his own making. Those are also my favorite romances to read because young love is often confusing and felt so deeply. It can be like Romeo and Juliet and sometimes be downright tragic at times. The writing style is one of the hardest to do well, and that is present tense. But it really does make you feel like you are there in the moment as the action is happening.

This story gripped me emotionally and kept me reading. I didn’t want to stop. The way it was written helped me grieve with the characters. If felt torn the same way that Finneas did when it came to his lifelong love for Autumn. That was so well done, as was the emotional punch in the gut I felt at the end of the first point of view. I cried. Then it deepened even more when in Jack’s POV. He had to somehow move on in life without his best friend. I loved getting to know his heart. The regrets, the pain, the joy and the stages of grief were so well done.

Then there was Autumn’s point of view, which would more closely resemble my own if I were to find myself in her situation. I felt like I knew these characters – like they were real people. They were so complex and three dimensional. As an author myself, I feel like this deep point of view gave me a new and fresh perspective on developing emotion in scenes. I’ve always enjoyed developing characters, but this was somehow deeper the way it was done. It’s an approach to writing that I am looking forward to developing while writing my own novels.

One last thought. I didn’t care much for the cursing, but it wasn’t overly done. And honestly, most guys think and talk like that in the real world, so the point of view made sense. It added to their emotion in the way it was expressed so that was also well done. The author did not focus on what happens to someone after they die. In fact, she didn’t mention the afterlife at all. What she did do was show how a person’s life can make an impact on the lives of other people who are still living, and in that sense, they will live on despite having died. The characters found themselves often asking what Finn would want as if he was still there, and in doing so, they were honoring his memory. That was a perspective I had not considered before and I found it to be healing.

I waited 2 months to get into the right mindset to read this one, and I’m so glad I did, because the emotions in this book, for these characters, for Finn, it’s just something I’ve never experienced in any book I’ve ever read. I think it’s because this is so relatable to so many- we may not know a situation exactly like Finn’s and Autumn’s, but we have witnessed and most of us have endured some tragedy in life.

Full disclosure: I cried through about 50% of the book. But honest to God, I ended this book with a smile.

The 3 point of views were everything, and so well done, I have no complaints.

Getting Finny’s POV was EVERYTHING. His love for Autumn was true and deep, and to understand how he really felt about her was simply…bittersweet. It’s hard to find a better word to describe. I felt that we were privileged with so many more details of their final 24 hours together, and getting more of Sylvie’s background was necessary.

Yes, you question EVERYTHING leading up to his final moments, but I didn’t feel as angry as I did in the first one, and I think that’s because I was coming off the high that was the first 17 chapters of this book and through his eyes. I love you, Finny.

Jack’s POV hit me hard, and I cried the most ugly tears throughout his chapters. He details the aftermath of the accident, and we endure the funeral with Jack, and him laying his best friend in the ground- all things we know are happening, but we read it in live time with him. I would also find myself laughing at something he said, and then crying again by the end of the page.

I was surprised Jack and Autumn weren’t entangled more in their lives- they will be, but these POVs were so strongly written, I didn’t feel like they needed to be around each other, and they don’t because they do have their own lives. Jack’s college roommate Brett threw me for the best loop, and I broke again.

And our sweet Autumn…her POV was welcomed, and it was so comforting. I cried sad tears and tears of joy. She’s growing and maturing. I don’t hug, and I would wrap her in my arms if I could.

The Mothers were the true standouts here, and a few other surprise characters that will provide such a cocoon of support for Finny’s and Autumn’s baby…as well as Autumn herself. She’s so strong, and at the end, you realize, this is life. Sometimes the hand we’re dealt is not great, and sometimes we drag our feet for years to get where we should have been to begin with, and sometimes it’s just too late. But things have a crazy way of working out, and believe me when I tell you, that I truly smiled at the end of this book. I feel such closure, and the last page of the book is probably some of the best advice you can carry going forward when you lose someone you love. Surrounding yourself with those who carry pieces of them within themselves, it’s just…devastatingly beautiful.

I was hesitant to read this book after just finishing If he had been with me. The first book was heartbreaking, and I knew the heart break would continue throughout this book, but I read it anyways, and I’m really glad I did. The characters grief was so well written, that I felt like I was grieving with them. I still find myself thinking “I can’t believe Finny is dead.”
If you’ve ever experienced love and grief by tragic loss of a loved one, this book will tear you open again. It’s heartbreaking, but yet I still highly recommend it. I finished both books in a weekend….. I also never write reviews but needed to say how impactful this series is.