Safe People: Finding Good Relationships

I found this book to being very educational. I really enjoy and recommend any of Clouds and Townsend. Anytime there is a workbook that’s available,I highly recommend to buy both. I look in fpur diffetent stores for this specific book but coulf not find in anywhere except of Amazon. I am so thankful for Amazon.

I would recommend this book to any young person on the verge of adulthood. As stated by the author safe and unsafe people are not always clear cut so this book is a good guide. But even more important is not being an unsafe person. This book can help you realize unsafe traits in yourself as well as give you solutions to becoming a safe person for others.

I read Boundaries by the same authors a few years back, and it made a tremendous difference in my life. I just finished Safe People tonight, and it is also a great book; I’m glad I read it. The authors write in an easy-to-read, straightforward, and relatable manner. They use examples of their own failings and lessons learned, as well as many case studies. The advice given is backed by scriptural references, albeit a bit of a stretch in certain area.
For me, what I found helpful, was getting a glimpse at what “normal” or “healthy” should look like. That will sound strange to anyone who is already coming from a healthy background, but probably resonate with anyone who isn’t. I often have huge conflict over whether a scenario is a healthy situation or not — whether I’m the perpetrator, or not. This book helped to provide some clarity and set the stage for building a healthy relationship mentality.
There are drawbacks/limits to this book, however. As some reviewers pointed out, this will not be adequate if you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship. I was in a serious relationship with someone who met the criteria laid out in this book as a “Safe Person” — in fact, a shining example. And the church I was attending at the time was also a great example of a “Safe Church”, and I was connected to people who mostly qualified as “Safe People” — if one is checking things off the list. However, that man was an abusive liar and the church did not behave safely in the end. There’s a part of me that is glad I hadn’t read this book while going through that relationship, because I likely would have stayed chained to him much longer and suffered much greater damage. I would have continued to think I was the problem (as he said) and not him, and I would have caved under the pressure of my “friends” and the inaction of the church leadership. So, if you believe you are dealing with something “extra”, I would go with your gut and seek out additional guidance.
A lot of the advice in this book feels exhilarating and empowering while reading it, but a few hours later I start thinking through how to actually apply it, and I feel stumped. I don’t necessarily think this is a failure on the book — there is only so much it can answer, and it does make it clear that you must seek God’s wisdom and that you may need either group or individual counseling. However, a lot of the stuff seemed to be separated by hairline degrees — and left me very confused. Especially towards the end, where the emphasis was on keeping relationships/working through them, even though they were “unsafe”. Knowing myself and my history, this was really confusing and terrifying.
I would also add that if you have an additional “condition”, such as in my case Autism Spectrum Disorder, you will likely not be able to fall back on the same common sense judgements as the book intends you to be able to discern.
Still glad I read it, and I do recommend it.

This knowledge can change your life to learn who is a safe person and who is not. We don’t want crazy makers in our life. We need to care enough for ourselves to know who and whom to have as friends very good book.

I wish Safe People were required reading in high schools, and that schools would also require a course about having healthy, safe relationships. It is so needed. I meet countless people who have crazy, chaotic relationships and life patterns, and it’s sad because this shouldn’t be the norm. Unhealthy and unsafe relationships kind of are the norm nowadays.

I pose this question sometimes and often can’t get a good answer. When is the last time you saw a movie or television show that displayed a healthy relationship? I’m fairly certain a Hallmark film will NOT come to mind as a good example, and the average movie has the most dysfunctional relationships on display, and we learn from this. People who come out of dysfunctional households and it’s been their lives, what is a healthy relationship? What do emotionally safe and healthy people do? If you ever step out of a toxic relationship into the opposite, then…you finally SEE it for what it is, and you want the different: drama-free, no chaos, no screaming, no mental gymnastics to try to figure out what a person with toxic relating skills wants (I’m not sure they even know), healthy conflict management that leads to relief and peace and not gaslighting and silent treatments. If that resonated with anyone, please save yourself a lot of trouble, and get a copy of this book.

I also wish I read this as a teenager, (I think my life would have been very different and much sooner).
This book is both helpful and life changing. If you let it do what it’s supposed to, it can help you evaluate your relationships and pinpoint whether they are healthy or unsafe. Also, there can be some self-evaluation taking place (which can be tough), but mature people can look at themselves and identify things that need to change and then, make those necessary changes with God’s help.

While this book is excellent for identification, it doesn’t help you learn how to implement boundaries once you see that your relationship(s) may not be the healthiest and how to handle that. The next step is to look into the Boundaries books by the same authors (the Boundaries books can be general or some cover specific topics, such as dating and parenting).

I love this book. I love the impact of the changes that I made concerning relationships and the peace that came after reading this. It helped me stop a lot of patterns. This is highly, highly recommended. Both authors are psychologists, and their advice is practical, wise (in all of their books), and incredibly beneficial. This is one of those times when I would recommend a purchase. And start working on having healthy, life-giving relationships. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the effort.

Beneficial book everyone should read this.